Breaking thru… Beautifully (or not!)

2014…it wasn’t a a great year. We suffered some great losses and at times felt like we’d barely make it through. But, there was joy and celebration as well. My daughter became engaged and we spent much of our time planning the wedding celebration. Then, as the year came to a close, more bad news, more health issues, more struggles…and honestly, I couldn’t wait for 2015. It just had to get better, right?

Only, it wasn’t. It isn’t.

If someone were to ask me today, “Hey, how’s it going?” I’d be moved to tears. I’ve cried more in the past few weeks, in the past few days, then I have in a lifetime.

Or so it seems.

Let me just recap…

Since New Year’s day….one of my favorite family members has been diagnosed with uterine cancer. She’s the one family member that gets me…that sticks with me, up for me and loves me unconditionally.

My mom is well…honestly, I don’t even know. My dad is at a loss as to how to deal with her and I truly believe she must be suffering from the early signs of dementia. The stress of worrying about your parents who live a full day’s drive away is almost unbearable at times.

The wedding has now been called off…postponed…indefinitely. My daughter seems to be in shock, the groom is trying to deal and the family is just…functioning. And so we pick up the pieces. One phone call at a time….

The poor Hobby Lobby lady was wonderful when I broke into tears over the phone and asked if we could get a refund on the items we’d been purchasing. And she was wonderful when we came in with bag after bag of items. It was a strange, numbing kind of moment.

I haven’t slept in weeks. One, because of my health, and two…I’m sure because of the stress. When my best friend called to check in on me today, I had to ask….could I also possibly be starting menopause?

You see, in addition to the steroids for my neck injury (did I mention that?) and the stress that seems to be compounding, I’ve also found myself unable to sleep. I often wake up in the middle of the night sweating or just really, REALLY hot! I’m pretty sure these aren’t the hot flashes that I’ve witnessed in others, but….they’re enough to keep me up, wake me up and make me change PJ’s in the middle of the night. UGH!

But…there are also benefits…I now only have to shave my legs once a week!

I’ve started a new Bible study….”My Spirit, My Responsibility.” I’m really enjoying it…it seems to be about the only thing that is keeping me grounded right now.

That…and the women in my life who get it.

I’ve been a blogger for years…however I’ve always been careful what I blog in order to protect my family. But I feel I have a lot to share…..maybe I just need to get some things off my chest, maybe I can help someone….maybe I can offer a little laughter thru a little tears….

I’m not sure, but I do know one thing….instead of breaking down, I think I’ll try and break thru….one day at a time, and hopefully, I’ll manage to do it beautifully.