Now that I’m here…

It’s been two weeks since I started this blog. No one has read it. (I haven’t shared it with anyone…)

So, I guess you could say I’m writing to myself.

Life has continued, and so far no more mental breakdown!

Instead, I’ve spent a lot of time working…and thinking…and trying to figure out some things.

Will my job be the end of me?

Will my children ever get their acts together?

Am I asking too much? Too much of them? Of myself?

Last night I lay in my bed, sicker than a dog, just praying for sleep. And of course, my brain went on and on and I started thinking about my daughter and the wedding, and my sons and their issues and my adopted daughter and will she ever accept me.

And then, I just shouted out loud in my head, “God…you really suck right now.”

And of course, I then felt really guilty and expected to be struck down with lightening right then and there.

When that didn’t immediately happen, I found myself asking Him if it was ok that I felt that way. He didn’t really answer me, but I figure He understands me and what is going thru my head, so I’ll just keep on plugging on, one day at a time.

And trying to break thru these ponders of mine…one day at a time…beautifully.