Do you ever feel like you just want to hide your head in the sand? That’s me today. Because today, I just don’t want to have to feel. It hurts. too. much.
It’s bad enough that my older daughter is struggling and going thru her own stuff. And her words to me today were, “I shouldn’t have to rely on you for everything.”
And I tried to comfort her and tell her that that’s what mom’s are here for.
Only, the truth of the matter is that we aren’t. We can. not. always. be. there. to. protect. them.
We’d like to think so.
But we…just…cant.
And my youngest daughter called home tonight. She had a letter to read to me with her counselor next to her. And she confirmed what we already knew. Because children only act like this when they have been abused.
So tonight, I am filled with anger. Anger for the system that refused to let family take care of family, and instead placed these already hurting children in more harm. Anger for the foster family that just didn’t care enough to protect them, but ignored it, and caused so much more damage for a paycheck.
I am filled with rage for those who have hurt my beautiful daughters…how can I possibly help them to heal?
We have a system that is failing our children. I asked my husband again tonight…what does God want from me? Are we to sit silently by and do nothing? Are we to stand up? How? When? We tried for years, but they had their own agenda and refused to listen to us. Instead, they chose to stand against us and anyone who supported us.
As a parent tonight, I am at a loss. I have watched my children go thru things no one should ever have to go thru. I have failed as a parent; unable to protect them.
Tonight I have to ask…how much more? How much more, God?
I’d like to hide my head. And I’d like for this year to be over. So far, it’s been pretty awful.
I’d like to break thru, but tonight, I just can’t. I just can’t seem to break thru.
So instead, I will try and remember…
“Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now”