Out of Hiding….

My last post was about wanting to hide. I’d say I’ve managed that pretty well. But I’m realizing eventually, we all have to come out of hiding…and face the giants.

I like my bubble. It’s a nice bubble. It’s safe…and as long as I stay in the bubble the pain can bounce back right off the bubble. But…it’s time to pop the bubble.

The last time I posted, it had just been confirmed that my youngest daughter was sexually assaulted before she came to live with us permanently. In addition, my oldest daughter’s life was falling apart. It was tough. Two days later, my marriage of 23 years fell apart. Just…shriveled up.

The summer seems to be such a blur. I’ve spent most of it speaking to the authorities, counseling with my daughter, going thru a divorce and just trying to hold it together with my other kids; all the while, simply shaking my head in bewilderment as I mumble, “I don’t know why.”

I’ve spent the past few months trying to figure out who I am. Who am I?

I’m no closer to figuring that one out.

I’ve spent the past few months trying to figure out how to help my kids. How can I help them when I barely know how to help myself?

I’ve spent the past few months crying more than I’ve cried in a lifetime. And holding my kids while they cry. And talking, yelling, crying some more, then laughing hysterically at the absurdity of it all.

When I started this blog, I thought it’d be all about trying to break thru beautifully with a child who has RAD. I’m discovering it’s more about trying to break thru the challenges that life brings us.

It’s about holding us together when everything else around us is shattered…broken.

It’s about standing strong in the midst of it all, even when your legs feel like jelly and you’re shaking inside.

It’s about discovery. Discovering new relationships with my children as we face each other with raw, abandoned emotion and the ability to love and laugh despite being broken.

Because after all, it’s still about breaking thru; breaking thru it together; beautifully.